Second Grade ..

As my oldest daughter is about to commence into a new year of her childhood it begins to make me think of my own. These memories just flashed back from when I was seven years old and entering second grade.

What really worried me was that I remembered second grade...all of it.

I think as parents sometimes we can let things slide that would leave a bad impression in someway on our kids just with the thought that they would be to young to remember. Throughout the early years of my two eldest daughter's lives that has been my go to thought. They wont remember these bad things because they are too young. Really it has been my sanity and in some cases in those rare dark moments what has held me together.

But now that all has changed.. my oldest daughter will be walking through a set of school doors tomorrow that she will indeed remember. She will remember her teacher and her classroom and her friends and even her first real crush.

I guess what is really messing with my mind are the thoughts of my own experience of second grade.

My second grade year was maybe the worst year of my life and it really wasn't anyone's fault I mean who knew that in the course of one year I would have to move in with my father for the first time in my life away from my mother and be secretly subjected to a horror movie from my next door neighbor and tortured almost daily by Adam who sat next to me in class who just had to check out those gross disgusting horror books from the library. He would keep the book open on the desk that we shared...flipping pages constantly telling me to look at it. The images in those books should never have been allowed in a public library and my innocent 7 year old eyes should have never had to see it.

I was way to scared to say anything ..this kid teased me enough at recess. It was a new school and I didn't have any friends as it was.

My poor dad had no idea how to handle the night terrors that plagued me that ENTIRE year. I didn't know until I was older but my dad almost had me committed to an institution. I remember not sleeping...ever. Because when I went to shut my eyes bad things happened to me...very bad things.

I don't watch horror movies because what people don't understand is that what is happening in them is real...all of it.

My dad had to hire a dozen or so babysitters to stay up with me all night because at the time he was a cop who worked night shift. Every night...they stayed up with me..well most of them. Some of them were way to tired to handle the likes of me but as long as they let me keep the light on I was fine.

That year changed my life in many ways. As as adult I am healthy and free from that fear that plagued me but you wont see me even watch a trailer to a new horror movie coming out.

These memories flood my mind as I think of my precious daughter entering school. All I can do is trust and pray that there wont be an Adam in her class like there was in mine..one that liked to torture me.

My daughters are made of pure steel so the good news is even if there is an Adam in any of their classes I feel for them. My girls know how to handle themselves and for that I am truly thankful.

I am praying for all the second graders this year who will walk through school doors tomorrow because one thing is for sure...they will remember it.