The Ugly Kind!

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received"...

I re read this sentence five or six times hoping to get past it and go further into my devotional time, except I couldn't seem to. Every time I would read it, my five year old would cry and argue with me about something I had just said. So in trying to be a good parent, I didn't ignore her (even though at this point that's all I want to do) I would assist her in refocusing on what it was that I originally had told her.

A few Sunday's ago I heard a mom talk about her devotional times as the "good, the bad, and the ugly" this was most certainly an ugly one.

I had stayed up for the second night in a row with my teething one year old, so when my regular devotion time came around which is early...like you don't want to know how early I didn't wake up. Please don't think that I am one of those super disciplined people who wake before the sun to pursue Jesus, I wish but no it is simply the most convenient time because I am already up saying goodbye to Jose so might as well take advantage of the quiet. So I am on day two of ugly devotion's where I can't seem to get past one sentence in my bible, I just want to fit in one chapter today that is all I am asking for!

It's so funny how caught up in it we can get. Truth is as my five year old is testing me, and my one year old is throwing tantrums and screaming all I really want to do is check out and go hide under my covers ( trust me the thought occurs to me on a regular basis) however, I know that as moms we don't get that option. We can't go "work" in the garage for hours upon end or "fix" some piece of metal that needs welding or fixing or nailing of some kind. We have a job to do and that job doesn't allow for any sick day's or check out moments. So I know that as frustrated as I am and as ugly as this devotional time looks, I know that the only thing that will help me is Jesus. I have to push in further because he is my only answer, I often kick myself for passing up opportunities to read parenting books (not that they aren't incredibly helpful) but kicking myself and wishful thinking isn't going to help me with my disobedient five year old who keeps testing boundaries. There will be another chance for that but right now in this moment there has to be something in here that can help me...anything. Then I came across Ephesians 4:2 which says "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." I always read this verse and applied it to my friendships and relationships with other adults but never really with my kids. So I made that verse my entire devotion time, I read it over and over again praying and asking the Lord to help me with my children because I needed humility and I absolutly needed patience and I wanted to be gentle with my daughters heart and her feelings and I want to bear with her, it's so easy as parents to dis engage our kids and to me that is not bearing with them...something I am super guilty of. There are days that everything looks great, my house gets clean, my five year old makes me breakfast, and I get in my devotion time. Then there are days that test everything I learned and read in those "good days" of devotions, I know as a stay at home mom that sometimes my place can seem insignificant in the eyes of the world. I am learning how to overcome that feeling and find my place in my children's lives, because I know that as a mother my place is so important and I am being challenged in my daily life to look my kids in the eyes and give them my attention, give them more of my time, even more than they have now. It may not look pretty but I am so encouraged by the fact that I know I am not the only one out there with those "good, bad and ugly days" and I know that in those moments that I feel unprepared or unequipped, HE has equipped me, readied and steadied me for these things. Praise the Lord for his grace and mercy that NEVER runs out! 

My mother gave me some amazing advice as I became a mother she told said " If you run into a wall where you can't seem to get through to your child then give up and give in to Jesus because he designed them, he should know better than anyone how to get through" Yep...this is sage advice especially for my five year old. To all my other mama's out there just looking for a time out, keep the faith and always ALWAYS keep some chocolate in the house!