Hello again friends and family!
Welcome to my May post, I used to not even notice how often I was blogging but over the past several months it has boiled down to just one per month, that's it..but that's kind of perfect for me.
I came home tonight from a training for work which was awesome and amazing and it made me eager to blog about my life. So much is changing and happening with me, but after typing out a good chunk of my blog I realized that by sharing all of that with you I was being very vulnerable with you. Vulnerable to hearing back from you or seeing that you even read it, or worse did you read it but not care about it? These are things that I shouldn't worry about or care about, it seems my care free attitude that I had before this year no longer exists, in fact the very person I was before this year no longer exists mostly because of everything with my Dad but also because everything even beyond that has changed. I have come to a divide in my life where the superficial and fearful pieces of life were forced to fall away, shedding the old shell of who I was and stepping into the new one.
Stepping into a new place, a new calling, a new destiny, with a new outlook on life. There is that saying that says "pick up your cross" or everyone has their own cross to bear...
I feel like this year I have found my cross and I have begun to bear it, truly bear it and with it a new identity has been born in me.
This year has been a defining one for me, and it continues to be one as the days creep along and they turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months. I see myself thrust into a new place where only Gods grace can keep me, everything else has to fall away because I have no free hands to carry anything else my hands are solely occupied with this cross that I am now not just bearing but embracing. I thought the cross was this burden, this unwanted thing because after all Jesus sure had a hard time carrying it and it was pure torture for him to.
If you think about that cross that he had to carry, bear, withstand; he was carrying it for the sole purpose of death it was the tool to be used to carry out his death. He was well aware of this as was everyone else, and yet he carried it and died on it.
I never thought of our own cross that we would have to bear as an instrument to carry out our death on. Obviously I don't mean physically or naturally rather spiritually..supernaturally. It says in Romans 6 " that our old self has been crucified with him so it is no longer a slave to sin."
Jesus demonstrated this so perfectly to take on the sins of the world to finish his purpose his calling, the finished piece of it was to carry this cross and die on it.
I see my cross that I have finally picked up and chosen to bear as this pregnancy ministry, I know its my cross because it has engulfed me, like a lake to deep and dark to see through. This ministry took me by surprise, it floored me and in every place that I said I was willing I could see the Lord saying then " I will prepare the way" I can see this path laid out for me winding and possibly narrow or full of gravel but none the less full of purpose and destiny just like his path was. I see this cross this thing to bear up is these precious women who
come in and are in desperate need of a savior who loves them and someone to bear with them the pain and agony they are often in. This is the thing that will outline my life forever, I will bear them in one way or another forever. I have jumped in, head over heels, engulfed in this ministry, this powerful place that meets the Mary's on the dusty ground with tears and oils ready to wipe the saviors feet. I love that the bible is full of moments where Jesus meets desperate women in their desperate situations and bears their burden with them until they understand that he has taken it over entirely. I love that all he ever did was demonstrate love for them in the place they were found, in the exact condition they were in that's what pregnancy resource center is, its a well for people to meet Jesus, its a line in the sand, its a divine visitation, and a place that changes people hearts. I say this all the time but its more than I could ever hope for, but that includes all the hard stuff too. The hard stuff is no joke, its really really hard but its also really really worth it. I think I have a tiny understanding of what Christ was trying to convey to us about the broken and the lost and the hurting, that cross was really really hard to carry ( He did need help at one point) but it was worth everything. I mean heaven went bankrupt over that cross, there is something powerful about knowing what your cross is and choosing to bear it.
Look at that I found a way to be vulnerable with you all after all.
Love it when that happens!
