Hello and Merry Christmas my dearest readers and friends.
As you know I generally try to put out a post every few weeks or so, not so much for you but for me to help chronicle my life with different time lines of sorts.
Not sure if that makes sense but I love looking back through my blogs throughout the year and seeing what amazing things God does in that time.
Today I thought I would share some things that spiritually I feel like I am going through and hopefully if any of you have been in this boat with me, or are in it then we can find a way out together.
The best way to describe how I am feeling is with Psalms 77 which is some what long but I will write it out just so we all have context of what is being said in it.
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,and I would not be comforted.
3I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
4You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.5I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
7“Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
10Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
13Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
14You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
20You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
In the first part of the Psalm I love how transparent David is about his pain, and how relate able it is, and that it is where I find myself so frequently. When I feel like I am in a season of crying out to God for change or to relieve me of something, I will often spend time with my arms outstretched in prayer and worship, which is good and that is what we are taught to do in hard times. However, I often find like David that even in those moments when I am worshiping and pressing in for understanding, my soul is not comforted like his own. I love that it says " my soul refused to be comforted" because that implies that his soul knows that there is something missing or something that can be pressed harder or in a different way. Whatever David was doing to find comfort with his arms and his words, it couldn't compete with what he was still feeling in his soul .
He continues to ask all these questions, which if we are being honest we tend to do as well, or at least I do. I question things until the very definition of the thing I am questioning becomes unclear. He starts to wonder if God will ever show him favor again, and if God has forgotten to be merciful. These same thoughts flood my heart and mind from time to time no matter how long I have been a Christian for. There is still something in the back of my mind that says, this was it, this was that one final straw that pushed God too far and now all is lost.
Lies, all lies, but real thoughts from time to time. These thoughts are powerful and very real in the midst of really hard circumstances, but its in that moment of wondering and questioning that we really have an amazing opportunity. It doesn't talk much about spiritual warfare in the old testament at least not under that term, but this is a prime example of a fight, and one that we need to engage in and win.
David has this opportunity to stay in this place of hurt and anguish, he has the choice to disappear forever and slide into isolation, allowing his current fears to be confirmed by his own flesh. BUT he doesn't instead this man after God's own heart, chooses to engage in the fight and he says this " Then I thought, To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High"
David commanded his thoughts and his heart to align with his spirit and he began to recount all the marvelous things God had done not only in his own life but in all the earth. He begins to remind himself of whom is in charge of his situation, and who has the ability to correct what is wrong. He chose to fight, to make a change in his circumstances, he chose to fight for Glory.
Its in that moment that I am finding myself struggling, I read this and am so encouraged but I am also fearful and I know that my pride would have me wallow and stay in anguish of my circumstances but my birthright would have me fight this and like David, appeal it. Appeal all these fears of abandonment and being forgotten, of being in a place of wrath with God instead of grace and love.
So my friends that is where I am, and this I believe is where I am headed. I am believing that like David I can appeal my fears and my thoughts that battle against his Holy truth and promises and come out victorious. If you are like me and in that boat then I want to be praying for you, like I hope you will for me.
Blessings friends and thanks for reading such a long blog post from me.
Merry Christmas.
