I never really know how to start my blogs, being totally honest. I don't know the best way to draw in a reader or create a picture in your mind about what is happening in my world. Then I realized that mostly I blog for myself so it doesn't really matter how its started. My blogs are just some of the random thoughts that spill onto the computer screen anyway, so no big deal.
Now that the dreaded" beginning" is over we can move on...
Lately I have had this really strange feeling inside of me. Its a feeling of inadequacy and one of "not enough" whether that's not enough time in the word, or not enough exercise, not enough genuine time in worship, not enough quality time with my kids, not enough reaching out to others, my house isn't clean enough, my laundry inst done enough, me jeans don't fit well enough....(sigh) a lot of not enough in my life.
I have to fight against these thoughts on a regular basis...like every day, all day.
As most moms know whether your out in the work field or in the home, your thought life rules and controls your mood. ( Most of the Time) So if your thoughts are constantly on how you are not doing enough, or ( insert my crazy long list of not enough's here) then you can slip into this dangerous thought pattern that takes that crazy long lists of "not enough" and merge it all into one constant thought; " I am not enough" I I....am.....not......enough....
This thought begins slowly in my brain as I go through the day ...the thought goes unchallenged and unchecked.
The next day the thought seems to resurface a few more times and then slowly in nearly every circumstance there is one thought that I am screaming inside " I AM NOT ENOUGH"
I begin to plug in this common denominator into my children...I am not enough for you kids
I begin to pour into my friendships ...." I am not enough for you friend"
I begin to pour into my housework....." House I am not enough for you"
And then worst of all I say it to God during the few moments I am now giving him...
" I am not enough for you God"
Slowly but surely this thought pattern goes on like a stupid song that you can't get out of your head.
What's worse is that because you can't seem to find anything that you can be enough for, you then begin this downward spiral into self pity and consume yourself with the little things of little to no substance that don't remind you of the lack in your life. For me these insignificant things tend to be media related, tv shows or movies. ( I am not saying watching these things are bad! For me right now I realize its a crutch)
So instead of healthy balance in my life, the one show I squeeze in for the day ( which is like nothing compared to some benders I have been on ) becomes a source of guilt.
For a few days I have been confronting these thoughts, totally unaware of how they were controlling my life.
It has been through small little things that remind me of His promises and the truth.
Sunday my Pastor talked about the woman with the issue of blood and how she knew Jesus would be enough for her. That thought slowly seeped into the crevices and dark places that have invaded my spirit.
Then a few days later I met with a dear and amazing friend who began to say how the only thing she knows for sure with different circumstances in her life is that Jesus is enough....
It again began to etch away at the hard places of my heart.
Today it finally hit me
I began mopping my DISGUSTING floors like really bad and seriously over due floors.
The stuff on these floors could probably be examined in a lab.
So I began mopping and scrubbing these hard and sticky places, some of them harder to scrub then others.
I have a rather large kitchen floor, so this took a while.
At one point I began to think of myself as one of those spots on the floor and God the one with the mop just trying to scrub the dirty out of me and rather frustrated with how fast I got dirty again.
This thought began to bring tears to my eyes as I noticed that I was scrubbing harder than I probably needed to.
My heart was open before the Lord and I began to cry with how sticky and dirty I felt spiritually and how I feel like I should be able to stay a little cleaner than this with my " maturity" level.
I literally felt like I could hear the Lord laugh at me, which broke me.
I could feel him asking me to speak the truth over myself , so I did.
I began to speak over my life that I didn't need to be enough because my Jesus is always enough.
He is enough in my children
He is enough in my friendships
He is enough in my home
He is enough in ME
And lastly the most difficult declaration...but the most needed.
I managed to whisper ......" I am enough for Him"
To anyone reading who is struggling in this area, You are enough for him.
Your dirty, sticky, often messy self is enough for the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Embrace it!
P.S- I have no idea why I titled this Dark Places and Bright Faces...I just liked it :)
Free Coffee!!! Bless the Lord Oh My Soul
My Grandma sent me this perfectly timed birthday card with this perfectly timed scripture. God is so amazing with this stuff. 
Jose took me out to dinner, somewhere we haven't been before. They make some kind of heavenly home made chip deliciousness that made me want to honestly ask for a to go box of only chips. 
This drink was not on their menu...obviously it being my birthday I couldn't have that. So I asked them to please please please make me a virgin Pena Calada. To which they responded...
We ended the day with my favorite cake...so this really was the perfect day!!
