It has been almost four years since I said "I do" to the man I married.
The road has been more than a little bumpy that's for sure.
It's been more like "rock slide" warnings and avalanche zone's but either way here we are still on this road and surviving it.
Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all bad in fact quite the opposite; along with those rock slide's and avalanche warnings, we also have had lots of scenic views and frequent stops to smell the roses.
I know there are other couples far more tenured in this game of marriage but for what it's worth I have a found a few quirky things that help my marriage run smooth or just help me stay sane.
My husband has certain buttons that I tend to mentally color coordinate in my mind.
I have learned to masterfully maneuver his buttons to prevent a massive explosion....sometimes. There are times that I will intentionally hit all of his buttons at once like a monkey on a keyboard and everything just blows up in my face, but at least I am expecting it.
I know it will seem super weird to most people who read this and don't worry I am fully aware of how strange it is but my husband and I really mostly argue about one major thing and that is usually the teeny tiny details of our faith. There are other topics that will get us going but I would say eighty five percent of the time its some type of spiritual debate. This is mostly because my husband knows my emotional buttons as well and exactly which ones to press to get me into a debate.
How we handle these (mostly immature) debates is slightly hilarious I mean once you realize that you are in a heated debate about angels and the first official sin, you then realize all sanctification on the topic is lost in the "arguing" and not exactly loving part of the discussion.
Another silly thing that I have realized now being married for a few years is my fight language. Everyone has a particular "go to" thing they do when they are angry. Some people slam doors, others sulk in silence, I tend to throw things to release aggression. After destroying a cell phone, laptop, and a variety of other random house hold objects we both realized that my fight language was making us poor very quickly. So over the years I learned a new language, but every now and then that throwing sensation will surface. For example tonight, we had a disagreement over something that was purchased ( with out my knowledge) my anger hit a boiling point and when Jose left the room and the girls were in the bath, I totally reached for something to throw. Now financially aware of the consequences of my actions, I was careful to choose my object. I ended up with a hollowed out chocolate egg in my hand left over from Easter, I was carefully surveying which wall I wanted to smash it against when the egg slipped from my hands and shattered on the to the floor into a million pieces. That very moment Jose walked back in and saw a million chocolate pieces around my feet and laughed, his face revealed that he knew exactly what happened ( by now he knows me better than I care to admit) My fight language is clearly rusty so, to lash out in another immature way I turned to my other "go to" fight move; stealing his socks.
Yes I am aware of how corny this sounds but my husband is super particular about his "good" work socks. They are comfy and soft and warm and everything I wanted in that moment, so I did it. I opened his sock drawer and stole a pair of these coveted socks and tucked my pajama pants into them so he could see my rebellious move as I walked into the living room.
You see after four years of marriage our fights don't really get more mature, they do get less frequent but not any where near maturity. I have another totally horrible "go to" fighting move and its super embarrassing. I hide stuff. This one really works for anyone I'm angry at, sadly I never fully recovered from being a child so when I get really mad at someone I will hide something that is super important to them. I do it so discretely that there is no way they will ever know I did it, except my husband totally knows this move and if he asks me point blank I crack under pressure every time.
I know this sounds immature and silly and at this point your asking yourself "how on earth are these quirks to surviving you marriage?" But see these little "fighting" quirks are honestly what keep our marriage alive. If you enter a marriage thinking neither one of you are ever allowed to be mad or angry especially if its because you are both Christians then you will end up with an explosion so huge you may not recover from it.
It's kind of like earthquakes, you need several small movements to release the pressure of the plates to prevent a huge build up ( actually I have no clue I'm totally making this part up but it sounds good so Im going with it) either way it is a good thing in marriage to have funny little stupid things like a "fighting language" and knowing your "go to" method of fighting and in some cases revenge.
I must say through all the ridiculous and the serious fights I've had with this man I would most definitely still go back and say I do again a million times over again.
The word says "He who finds a wife finds a GOOD thing" it doesn't say it will be an easy thing you find.. So as I approach another year with this man I pledged to spend my life with, I am excited with the idea of more quirky arguments and silly fights that will fill our fourth year of marriage. Hopefully this year I will grow out of some of my more childish tactics and finally get some grown up ones.
Happy Anniversary a little early....
