Random Thinker ...Try to Keep Up

I am not super thrilled with titles or stereotypes.. but I whole heart idly am a random thinker. I've heard that some women tend to tie their thoughts together like spaghetti noodles touching each other..I am that woman. ALL THE TIME
My poor husband. He does an amazing job of keeping up..but for the rest of the poor people that have to put up with me..well they are still learning. Maybe there has been a support group created, I'm not really sure.
So with all of these thoughts just mixing around in my head like spaghetti I figured I might as well get them out, I wanted to pick one topic to blog about but my blog turned out to be more of a blahhhhg lol if you didn't just get that maybe stop reading now because were just on a downward slope from here.

So currently I am obsessed (yes I realize the seriousness of that word) with Jenn Johnson ..she has been around for YEARS but I am just discovering here now. So I kind of feel like someone raving about the wheel or radio or something but she is simply amazing! It sounds like she is roaring when she sings..who does that? Except for maybe some cool 80's stars but this chick is literally screaming her lungs out in worship songs...I love passion! PASSION like s
weat..tears..maybe even some snot. If your leading worship I feel like maybe your physique should be messed up a bit, get your hair crazy and kick off your shoes do something crazy because you just can't contain it! I think I am just secretly super sad that I wasn't created to lead worship or even really worship in public but God knows all things and I think he knew what he was doing with that one ... lol

All I can do is lol at my self otherwise I would just col which is cry out loud in case no one knew...I actually didn't until just now. So feel free to use it.

I just got back from helping my mom move....I am fairly certain that after I unpacked her whole kitchen ..she may re do it. My mother has made comments on my own kitchen and the lack of sense that it made to her..so Mom I do apologize for the random cupboard of peanut butter and scoops chips mixed in with about 16 other random items. I have to say though I got an immense amount of joy from this move... and I daresay from Idaho .. I always pictured a bunch of potato crops in my mind when I thought of Idaho but its actually an amazing place. A little piece of heaven...except the smell.

They have such a cute place finally with enough room for all of the kids and grand kids. Just what mom has always wanted! That makes my heart happy.

I absolutely love the views from this teeny tiny city that they now find themselves in..I love that there is a metropolis of malls and restaurants and Starbucks ( bless the Lord) only about 15 minuets from my moms house...its a bit far to drive for coffee but worth it.

Coming home though, I find my self still battling things in my mind..oh my mind. My biggest enemy.
Imaginary conversations take place here as well as possible outcomes of situations not yet resolved. Again I just have to lol at my self other wise it becomes a col situation. My husband and my sister have been my strong shoulders as I go through what seems to be the most awkward season of my life. Then there are ALL these quotes that keep coming out on facebook...Sigh......... some I find..some others find but all of them convict me. Its literally like I just cant withdraw and hide and not fight and be fake with out people posting things that obviously pierce my soul... I just want to know what these awkward moments were like for people before the phone..and facebook. .....never mind that is where a great deal of my library came from...not to mention the bible. They just wrote each other stuff.

By the time they got done with all their emotions in the letter either A. they ran out of ink or B. the person scribing for them fell over dead ..so naturally they had plenty of time to perfect their letters. So we didn't get to see so much ugly transparency..I want to see some of those first drafts.

Anyway my mind is still reeling and I obviously need sleep ..maybe some prayer. Feel free to take this blaaaahg into your prayer closet.
Hope you were able to keep up!

Familiar Faces

There are few people in my life right now that know how things are "going" with me. They know the batches of loneliness that I have tried and usually failed at getting through. Most of this loneliness comes from just simply missing and aching for my family. There is something about having people near you that will love you unconditionally that won't fake it to make it to your face or be nice because they have to. 

I recently have been missing my family so badly that it was driving some parts of my heart to places of depression. I have worked tirelessly to get past this and honestly I was getting just plain exhausted. Even with these struggles I love how good our God is, he knows exactly what we need when we actually need it. Some how, some way he managed to create a scenario where I had those familiar faces back around me. 

My sister in law and nephew came to stay with us for a week and two days and during that time I had my  mom and two sisters from Washington here as well. All this family time brought around my crazy busy sister in law who does live here but is genuinely unavailable. We had pj parties and coffee runs, tv shows and trampoline craziness not to mention awesome home made snow cones. 

I don't think I have laughed so freely and so hard in an entire year. Our family has had some really ugly storms hit us and laughter really is the BEST medicine. There was so much healing in having all the kids together all 5 cousins playing, laughing, and wrestling together. It gave me so much hope for our future that even though there are still some lingering storm clouds over our family and over my loneliness, I know that Joy is also in our future and above all the promise of hope! 

Yesterday concluded my "family reunion" as I had to take my sister in law and nephew back to the train station. I can't explain it but as we drove,  through all of our silly stories and laugh's we both kept choking back silent sobs. This is her home, and she was leaving behind pieces of her as I was losing pieces of me with her leaving. She isn't my blood relative but she understands more about who I am than most people ever have cared to. When the train actually came and they boarded I completely lost it, tears just flowed free so horribly bad that I couldn't drive for at least 5 minuets. I searched my heart trying to figure out why it was hurting so badly to see them go and I realized that I am so tired of being alone. I have my husband and his family as well as my church family which absolutely covers a certain amount of my loneliness but when you come from such a big family and one that is as close as ours it is nearly impossible to be with out them. No one can love me the way my family does at least no one has tried to love me as much as they have. 

After the train I started out on my hour and a half drive back to Redmond with a stained pink sky and blaring loud worship music playing. I realized something new in that moment, I realized that not only had God created this entire week out of all the time we have here on earth for me to have my family back but he also created this small moment in time where I had an entire car and radio to my self. I had the sky and the tree's and best of all the summer sun. All these little things that I love and that I haven't had in such a long time. We serve such a good and loving father. He truly knows and understands all of our needs.. even if they take time.