It's Ok to Be Ok..

Recently there has been something just really weighing on my heart. 

About a month ago I really hit a wall with some things here at home. I was feeling so overwhelmed and majorly stressed out and it finally came to a point where my husband sat down with me and through a lot of tears we tried to figure out what the source of my stress was . 

This meltdown couldn't have been more strategic, it took place on a Saturday afternoon and after really just laying everything out I was able to narrow down my source of stress. 

It was home schooling my girls. 

Now I know that if you are a successful home schooling mother you may have just scoffed or maybe glared..but hear my heart. 

I had been fighting internally with this idea that the girls were stressing me out, when in fact they were not. I was trying to mold my own standards and fit it into a day that was filled with random drop in visits, nap time's, crawling, breakfast, lunch, dinner, ministry and errands. Somehow I was convinced I could do it all. 

I think I was really basing this superwoman mentality off of my amazing family members that had successfully done it with way more children than what I have. 

I also have wonderful friends who are successfully home schooling and there is this big huge elephant in the room about public school. It's just not what is best for raising God fearing children. Today's culture will chew the kids up and spit them out and ultimately ruin them. I was terrified of this idea that if my kids ever went to public school then suddenly they would be shunned or not trusted with the "Godly" kids who were home schooled. 

I really internally wrestled with all of these ideas until I just broke down. That Saturday afternoon, my husband and I prayed about what was going on and we felt released to stop home schooling the girls for a year and enroll them into public school. 

I talked earlier about strategic timing, that next day was a Sunday and the message was about letting go of those things that we hold on to so tightly that we end up missing our opportunity to let go or we end up destroying the thing that had so much promise...because of fear. 

I felt so released and free from this decision. 

However, I have noticed that as I tell people of our decision to enroll the girls into public school, we are noticing that everyone seems to have an opinion on the subject. 

My heart has been through the ringer where this is concerned, I was recently told that my children were my biggest ministry. I don't argue that, but I also know that God has a future and a hope for my children! I am not a confrontational person, so defending my reasons to people is incredibly uncomfortable.. God entrusted these kids to my husband and I so I really have to stand strong on that fact. But one thing I noticed is that I am not the only one going through an incredibly overwhelmed season of life, but what breaks my heart is to see that people still seem to be buried underneath so much fear of letting go and making the same choice that I did. I am not saying everyone should do what I am doing that would make me a big fat hypocrite. But what I am saying, is that if you are feeling like home school is a burden then something should change and fear should not stop you from pursuing that peace. 

Of course I have day's when I go into panic mode thinking of what could happen in public school.. but today I made a decision that this is right and the circumstances around this decision can not dictate my place of peace. 

I believe that God has thoughts of good and not evil for my children and plans to prosper them! And from that promise I will stand and I will not fear what "could" be. I pray that if you feel pressed on every side and backed into a corner of fear and expectation's, that you would let go and believe.. believe that God is for you and your family..for you prospering and excelling! This decision has not been an easy one, but we believe it is the right one that feeling is a great one. 

Be Blessed!